By Nyambura Kibati

Remember, accountability feels like an attack if you do not want to see the harm your words and actions do to people.

I recently met up with a ‘friend’ and through our conversation she went along the lines of “you should add a little weight, men like it heavy”

I let the comment slide since I’m already used to being skinny shamed, and I have come to the conclusion that some people, even close friends and family, will say anything without realizing how it makes the recipient feel.

What never sits right with me however, is why women cannot embody their version of sexiness without having someone in their ear telling them their way is not how it’s done.
To the ladies reading this whose bodies does not meet the modern day standards of beauty, you already know where I’m coming from with this.

The level of criticism women go through just because of the modern day standards of beauty is unbelievable. From fat shaming, to skinny shaming on social media, and even face to face verbal comments. It never seems to matter how femininely energized a woman is, someone will always try to find a physical trait to invalidate her sexiness.

Dear reader, to make you see what I’m trying to put out, a male friend shared a shocking revelation that some men perceive heavy women and petite women to be easy to get, since they have low self-esteem and might be in pursuit of validation. This made me wonder how some people can be so crude in their thinking.
Not only can’t women define their individual version of sexiness but somehow their ‘physical flaws’ are imagined to dictate how gullible they might be!

These chokehold notions on how a physically beautiful women should look like, are putting women in constant battles with their bodies.

It is quite sad that women sometimes are the biggest players in invalidating other women’s bodies. The patriarchy (men), may have come up with these standards of beauty, but it is women that support them. Men might post memes, write about them, tweet about them and discuss them among themselves, but it is mostly women that verbally put harsh comments about each other’s bodies.

It is because of today’s standards of beauty that so many women are walking around in two corsets, swallowing curves enhancing pills, drinking weird teas and consistently struggling with their esteem. It is because if these standards, that some body types are hyper-sexualized.

Women cannot peacefully make themselves believe they are beautiful. Different brands, through advertising and marketing campaigns keep showing them how to look. They keep telling them to look like the women they put in magazines, Instagram posts, blogs and billboards. This whole idea about how a woman should look like is partially why we have foods labelled gluten free and fat free.

That notwithstanding dear reader, if you wish to have your body look a certain type of way, you are at absolute liberty to walk yourself through that journey. Women should be allowed to look however they are naturally made. They should be allowed to feel beautiful no matter what anyone thinks

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